Moving at Snail Pace As A New Mother

Hi,

How are you doing this week? I know rolling into a new year can bring with it a lot of pressure to do more or make massive changes. I know that feeling always creeps up in me a few days before the new year. Hopefully we can both let go of that pressure a bit and keep things simple as much as possible.

I wanted to send this letter out to you in the beginning of the month but two things happened. First, I had to nurse my family back to health and then I got sick. We’re better now. Second, I have to confess, the more readers that read these words each month the more anxious I become. I know at the end of the day everything is going to be ok. But it’s something I’m working through. My tiny letter grows every month and that’s a great thing. After all, I want to be able to keep connecting with you and sharing this journey. I guess it's like stage fright.

Do you ever feel like this? That feeling that succeeding at something can be more scary than failing? I think I’m more comfortable with failing because I have the stubbornness to pick myself back up and keep going if I’m truly passionate about something. I figure, “hey, I bet no one noticed I fell flat on my face anyway.” But what do you do when people are noticing (er...or at least you imagine they are)?

So how have I been working through these feelings?

Journaling. It's part of my weekly routine more and more now. You know, like the "dear, diary" stuff and all. I feel like a teen when I crack my journal open. I think my next journal should have one of those tiny locks and a tiny key I can wear around my neck :) I write a page either in the morning or at the end of the day. I start by scanning my body and then proceed to have a conversation with the pages about what I’m feeling.

I find that giving feelings names helps me understand them better. Also giving them names helps me to work backwards to figure out what’s at the root of them. It's been helpful for me because it gives my busy mind a place to dump the infinite stream of thoughts, worries, and stories I tell myself.

Studio Happenings:
Living at a Snail’s Pace

The final illustration.

I’ve stopped pressuring myself to move at lightning speed which only succeeds at creating more anxiety. Having a toddler became the catalyst because everything takes loooonger to do. At first, it was frustrating but now moving slow is somehow moving me faster in the direction I want to head in. Wait, what now? What I mean is that I get less done, yes, and it takes longer but at the same time, I get more of the truly important things done. I'm growing more comfortable with taking my time with projects. Since I know they will take much longer I've only been choosing what’s meaningful. This has essentially cut down my "to do" list by 80% in the past year.

Making the best of a tiny desk.

I've been working on this new illustration since last year. This is an example of one of those things I knew was going to take a long time because I wanted to hand paint it. The general advice for building a portfolio is to make the kind of work you want to be hired for. I agree, but I would add to that, also make sure it's the kind of work that makes you happy. Since most projects are months long or even year long commitments. I had to decide if I truly wanted to see it through or let it go. It's floated to the top as an important idea I want to finish.

It's inspired by grandmothers and granddaughters. I want to depict that special bond between them.